Elizabeth Bernstein wrote a sensible piece in the Wall Street Journal on July 10, 2024, on looking for help during difficult times.
The article questions a widely held view on who we should seek help from when we are hurting. Someone who has experienced the same issue is often the best person to talk to. New studies, however, indicate this might not always be true. Actually, those who have overcome various difficulties beyond our own might be able to provide us with better support.People who have gone through different struggles, Bernstein says, can relate to our emotions without necessarily knowing exactly what we’re going through. They are less inclined to make assumptions and more likely to pay attention. In contrast, those in our position may exaggerate their own experience and overlook the possibility that our situation is unique.
According to the article, occasionally it’s advisable to have conversations with people we know really poorly. These might be neighbors or even total strangers. Their useful ideas will surprise us, and they are less likely to criticize us.
Bernstein advises knowing what we want while seeking support. Should we seek advice, rant, or merely find diversion? Knowing this should assist us in informing the person we are speaking with. It’s also advisable to speak with several people to obtain multiple points of view.
The secret is to discover someone who, despite having different experiences, can relate to our feelings. If we’re particularly unhappy about a breakup, for instance, someone who lost their job and felt terrible about it would be a terrific person to chat with. They can grasp intense feelings without pretending to know exactly what we’re going through.
Finally, Bernstein’s article reminds us that support might originate from quite different sources. Being honest with many people could enable us to get the help required amid trying circumstances.